Tactics in puffing your chest out: a letter regarding judgment.

Dear malpractice suit filers and minions from ‘Despicable Me’,

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I know it’s been a while since I’ve shared with you. Life got crazy since I entered the world of online dating. All kinds of people came into my life and I’m not sure still how to deal with feelings and awkward social situations.

But something happened in the world of online dating recently that kind of threw me a little bit.

I got into a bit of a predicament; a catty tiff with a man who identifies as a bi-sexual.

I know. I’m sure this sounds ludicrous, and I’m certain I’m probably blowing it out of proportion, but I was mildly offended and disheartened.

Quick back story:

Basically I really pride myself on currently being a person who anyone can get along with. In the past maybe not so much, but I am a lover of all things people and all things equal. Whatever some may want to refer to as the “homosexual agenda” or ‘LGQBT Equality’, I have and continue to support because frankly it’s nobody’s goddamn business to decide who/how people are, and honestly people are people.

Moving on, this blog is not about politics. That’s all I will say personally on the matter. So if you’re closed minded or don’t care you can stop here…

But if you choose to continue reading I will address three things before I display my efforts in online defense against what I’m electing to call a bully.

1. My personality is less than masculine and I live my life as a very carefree and comfortable male. I identify as straight, I rarely come across as such, I have male acquaintances that I love deeply, and I have and I am comfortable enough to state facts like:

Adam Brody is attractive.

The singer from Maroon 5’s abs could take me on a date if they really wanted.

This quart of Breyer’s chocolate ice cream I’m currently shoveling in my mouth is going straight to my hips.

HOWEVER I am also comfortable in stating that I only have the sex with and to this day only find myself wanting to be in relationships/in love/whatever-with females.

It is what it is. You don’t really have a say. That’s the wonderful part about being a human being.

2. I feel as though I certainly get along well with those identifying as LGQBT and I very much am okay with that. Some of the best people I know identify as something other than heterosexual and I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

3. Stereotypes amongst humans are abhorrent. Whether racial, religious or lifestyle based. Honestly we should all be good to each other and cut the bullshit when it comes to ignorance.

Quick survey!

Since my ego is deflated from arguing, I need a boost before we continue, predominantly from the gay men in my life, because I want to feel better than the ass-hat in question made me feel.

The roommate of my current beau who hasn’t had a long time to know me yet:

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And of course because he’s selfish he expects payment for participating in research.

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A fair trade in my opinion.

The ‘friend’ of the new beau’s roommate that has the same name and they pretend like it’s not weird when they’re getting handsy:

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A wonderful man I have known a bit and attended high school and participated in musical theatre with:

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Too kind. Really.

My always trustworthy GBF (gay best friend) since the age of 11:

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And I guess for accurate results…

My hetero-life partner/best friend:

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Two things learned:

1. I am average in the eyes of some males who find themselves involved amorously involved with other men.

2. On a scale of which Ryan Gosling is a ten – I will never be a ten.

Back to what happened:

OkCupid has this wonderful set up where you can state what you’re looking for based on their previously decided upon criteria, for those identifying as straight males, the options read something to the effect of:

Girls only.
Girls who like guys.
Girls who are bi-sexual.
Everybody.

I’m not the brightest pop-tart in the box, and so in looking to just meet new people in general I selected everybody under the belief that anyone I would be meeting should be free to like whomever they want not strictly women who like men and women, or only men.

Though when a male named ROBBIE messaged me I admit, I was caught off guard. Not in a fear based way, but because I identified as straight and he, after conversing, appeared to be interested in trying to pursue an amorous based Internet correspondence.

Essentially, I told him I was a wizard and that I was all knowing. Then he stopped talking and seemingly ended the chat.

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Well that lasted a whole sleep cycle before he countered my non responsive self by showing some teeth.

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Yikes.

To be clear, leading up to this conversation, there was nothing that came across as pursuant of me, and it was more like a questioning of how I knew him. (Mutual friends/people that make nice to your face while you compete in the local karaoke competition at the ‘gay bars’ in Albany.[Him, not me, I don’t go to bars])

My immediate response was to be blunt and defensive. Honestly I felt a bit offended.

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I’m sassy, and while I probably could have been nicer and informed him of how I knew information (limited) about him, I bit back. I wasn’t being mean but I was confused why it was even an issue if my profile states I’m a straight male.

But Robbie pulled his claws out.

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1. Everyone in Albany is a straight male seeking companionship on the Internet and being called out by non-heterosexual male?

2. I think, though I can’t be certain, ‘tragic’ is one of those words to use when you can’t come up with an honest reaction to someone saying no…I definitely have used it in that context at least.

Clearly there was a misunderstanding, which I admit was in part to my misconception of the sites options. To be clear, I wasn’t looking to make a joke at the expense of anyone other than myself when I joined these sites.

Believe me or not, frankly IDGAF.

I tried to respond with sassiness, but also attempted to keep it light and direct it back toward a friendly ‘we could be chummy’ perspective.

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Sadly, bye doesn’t always cut it for me and I really just want to be liked, and I was really sad to hear Robbie being so careless as he really didn’t know me.

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And that is when it happened…

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Robbie clearly felt the need to backpedal a smidge:

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Long story short, I suppose I need to be more up front and conscious in certain scenarios.But I would like to just take the opportunity to crush the notion that heterosexual men are strictly interested in attaining ‘dat pussy’.

We all have different methods going about pursuing romantic interests, and while some brahs elect to seek strictly fornication of the shortest extent, some guys are genuine and good.

Like Foo. He’s still single.

Come on ladies.

Fondly,
Alexander.

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